May 25, 2017

Reviews: Baywatch and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Baywatch: "The new Baywatch can’t decide how best to adapt this old-school guilty pleasure, so it chucks a bunch of f-bombs, dick jokes, and gross out gags, creating a crude comedy that’s more often repulsive than fun."

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales:  "In the end, it’s a sinister sea creature within Dead Men Tell No Tales that proves its perfect metaphor: zombie sharks. Zombies are scary. Sharks are scary. So it seems simple logic that zombie sharks would be twice as scary at least! But when Salazar sets loose a band of rotted snarling sharks who are pitted with holes, and ragged about the fins, they just aren’t. They nightmarish jaws are there. They move fast and chomp ferociously. But these bygone beasts seem to just be going through the motions, not realizing they are laughable, lame and dead."

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